5

I am the girl who keeps falling asleep.

You’ve probably seen me but didn’t wake me.

4

I am the girl who keeps falling asleep.

You’ve probably seen me, at the buffet line. Yes the girl with the distant look on her eyes while her right hand holds an empty plate and her left strokes her growling stomach to shut it up. Because she keeps hearing her mother’s voice in her head saying ‘You’re too fat dear’, ‘Lose some weight dear’, ‘Look at how you’re sister looks dear’,’ How will you get a husband if you’re bigger than him dear’. So she can’t do anything else but dream of taking a bite of that crispy lechon skin and how good all those calories will feel, those three servings of rice that will go straight to her thighs and accentuate her child bearing hips, and that slice of triple chocolate cake with caramel drizzle for that extra shot of serotonin to her brain, because god knows she needs to be happy with who she is and what she eats.

3

I am the girl who keeps falling asleep.

You’ve probably seen me, snoring softly through a movie. Yes the one with a date all frustrated because he picked this movie especially to at least get to second base with me. A B-movie, campy, slasher flick with laser shooting vaginas and talking dicks, nobody wants to see but him and apparently me. But I wouldn’t know see. The lights were low and my eyes grew heavy like the weight of your arms around me. But as I jumped from one cloud to another, you jumped from one woman to another, from one bed to another, from one affair to another, until there is no more one way or another but to leave you for another, cloud who will share my dreams in broad daylight motherfucker.

2

I am the girl who keeps falling asleep.

You’ve probably seen me, head banging on other people’s shoulders on trains. Yes the one you interrupt your camwhoring for to secretly take a photo of with your shiny 8MP phone camera that your daddy paid for. Which, you’ll then show your friend sitting next to you who also lives off her daddy’s bank account. Which she’ll then MMS to her boyfriend, her other boyfriend, her boytoy, her fuck buddy and her fuck buddy’s friend, who, at one point she did screw. Who will then add a witty caption like ‘Daydreamer on Board’ or ‘Shit! I missed by stop!’ or ‘What’s the difference between a politician and a whore?’ or ‘Oh! I know! This is what a politician does and gets paid for.’

1

I am the girl who keeps falling asleep.

You’ve probably seen me, at Math class, the last girl in fourth row a little to your right, head down on her desk all the time. Yes the one who doesn’t know until now how to multiply.  And it’s not because I’m dumb or anything like any of the names you call me with like stupid, retard, and bitch. But because I’d rather shut my eyes and dream and dream and dream some more than find the value of X, whom I’ve concluded is the stupid, retard, bitch you must be referring to, if she can’t find herself her true value.

VII. The Jack of Clubs Speaks to His Queen

I am leaving now.

I am coming back to the city to find you.
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V. The Jack of Clubs Speaks to His Faithless Queen

In this place, I like to think that I don’t need you. One day flows into the next, and I hardly give you a second thought.

I come here because it consoles me. Breathing the city means breathing you. The day-to-day bewilderment, the randomness of the billboards along the highways that rise to meet the stars, the daily struggle for a seat in the train, a window of five minutes to avoid a deduction for tardiness, the glamorous Dionysian parties on weekend that I read about in magazines - I cannot abide by such cosmopolitan madness.
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III. The Jack of Clubs

I made my decision purely on sleight of hand, purely on games of chance.

I took the bus back to my hometown, carrying a couple of ATMs and credit cards that would be useless here. I presented myself to a distant relative and asked to stay for a few days, and may I not be disturbed, I requested.

I was home coincidentally in time for the town fiesta, which is more of a bizarre Mardi Gras really, than any community affair celebrating the town’s patron saint. I’m not one to visit fortune tellers, but passing by this quiet booth in this provincial town, I had an irresistible urge to guess at the future. It was the one thing I never associated with the city - the mystery and the fear of the unknown, already foretold and waiting to happen.
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II. The Queen of Clubs

I have neither riches nor power, and so I bear the loneliest of pursuits - the fate of the clovers, dependent on luck, imprisoned by the occasional whims of fate. Because fate is unkind, we learn to be resilient. We know how to endure.

I ply my trade as one who can divine the past, guess at the future, and perhaps, control the present. It is certainly a lonely gift, one that alienates friends and one that forebodes an unhappy future for the one who sees.
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I just came from a broken hearts meeting. One of my friend recently broke up with his boyfriend. (Yes that’s not a typo. They’re both men.)

Post VDay blues? But nothing a good meal can’t cure.

This part of the story is for him. May he smile again.

~Annabs